My Dad just called...22 years later!!!

[Billdo]

:ibedamned Long story short...he left us (mom, sister and I) back in 1984. He got some other woman preggo and decided to stay with her. He stopped contacting my sister and I sometime while I was in the 2nd or 3rd grade or right around 1984/5.

So there I am tuesday at work and I answer the phone.
Me: This is Bill may I help you?
Him: Bill who?
Me: Bill Christiansen, getting irritated with this line of question.
Him: This is Bill Christiansen (I am a Jr.)
Me: Stop screwing around and tell me who you want to talk to!!!!!
Him: This is BILL CHRISTIANSEN...your father. (Darth Vader moment for me)
Me: Uh.....WTF.....seriously?

Talk about totally blindsiding me with that one. I just about dropped the phone when I understood that it really was him. Now I'm completely scrambled by this. I don't know how to feel. I do feel that he is my blood and to me that means a lot but on the other hand where in the hell has he been. Why now and what triggered you to call me. I have always kinda kept track of him using the internet just to see what he was up to. Back in HS I even tried to contact him but his wife and he weren't ready for that. Thinking back I probably wasn't either.

Now he wants to be a part of my life again and I am just beside myself with emotion. I feel like a chick that is on her period, pregnant and hitting menopause at the same time. One minute I am like hell yeah, the next I wonder where the hell he's been.

Good news and probably more disturbing than him calling is I have two half brothers. One is about to graduate HS and is big into music. The other is 21 and married.....here is the really strange part.....has an 02' Z28 that has similar mods that mine did. It is even the same freaking color. He and my dad both post over on LS1Tech.com. I guess a lot can be said about blood and family enjoying the same things. That really freaked me out.

Since he is now back after being gone for so long, I figure he owes. Maybe I will squeeze him for a new vette or something. Break out the old guilt trip skills I have. HAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHA JUST KIDDING

More to come.....

[RichardCranium]

I can't speak from experience, but I can only imagine how that must feel. I have a couple of friends in the exact same scenario as you, and I can say that they are split about 50/50 on the want to communicate. I am sure that you will can handle whatever you choose though (and if you chose not to have any part in it then I would like to hear what you say to him haha).

[Heater]

I honestly would struggle with that...I have never met my father, so if he called me out the blue like that, I think I would have a really hard time being a buddy to him.

I grew up kinda hard, and I really blame it on both of my parents. I have harsh feelings towards my mother and have nothing to do with her.
I came very close to contacting my father right before I got married, but after thinking it over and realizing that he had chosen not to be in my life, but yet be a father to my half brother and half sister. I just have some bad thoughts of being a kid without a father....like playing Little League baseball, and all the other Dad's were with their sons and I was by myself....kinda messed up ya know.
My grandmother ended up raising me, so I view her as my true parent, and the way I turned out was a true credit to her.


Sorry for the rant, but I know where your coming from and know that it's a hard situation.

[Neat]

Dude, I hope the best for you, but be careful. This kind of smells of desperation. I would think very hard before giving him anything; if he asks for money, to borrow the car, anything. I sincerly hope he's just had a change of heart and wants to be in your life, but it never hurts to look out for yourself too.

Good luck man!

[Billdo]

My first words after WTF seriously were "where in the hell have you been?" I thought it was a pretty fair question. He seems very genuine with the gesture and I will give him the benefit of doubt. I can be the bigger man and that is the position I will take. I will make it easy on him but he is going to have to answer for a lot.

Regardless...he is the man that created me. I have to respect that in my opinion.

[Billdo]

Dude, I hope the best for you, but be careful. This kind of smells of desperation. I would think very hard before giving him anything; if he asks for money, to borrow the car, anything. I sincerly hope he's just had a change of heart and wants to be in your life, but it never hurts to look out for yourself too.

Good luck man!

I don't think he will be borrowing anything or have any needs from me other than being a son. He has had quite a successful career as a nuclear engineer. His family owns hundreds of thousands of acres in Louisiana that they farm. They probably have 10 oil pumps throughout.

All that while I lived in govt subsidised housing and got evicted about twice a year.

[YounGiN]

Dude him creating you should not earn your respect. I'm almost in the same boat as you are. Worthless father who cheated,, had other kidds and was never around.. However when he was caught cheating he did stay. Was he ever a father??? Hell No.. Has he been a father yet.. He try's... WHEN HE NEEDS HIS BOAT FIXED OR TRUCK FIXED..
Dont you think its funny, that now you dont need him he wants to come back in your life. Now that there is no burden he calls you up. Can you forgive him for all that.. I cant and never will.. However it did help me out. Every day i wake up and see my precious kids it lets me know that they will never feel that way about me. That their dad will always be there no matter what!!! I wish you luck with what ever you decide, but it is totally up to you..

[freefall]

Not a whole lot to lose by getting to know him.

[dabe]

just promise us you will not throw pies or Cds at him!!!

im kinda in the same boat well not really...but im the same way with my grandparents....to make a long story short....on my 7th birthday my mom and grandparents and uncle got in a fight....and since then i havnt seen or heard from my grandparents nor uncle....also...my uncle lives 10 miles away mind you....so if either one contacted me i would be wishy washy also

[msydnor]

Honestly I have no idea what the fuck I would do in your situation

[eclipse03]

i wish i had that opportunity.... my dad died when i was 5 and all i know about him is what ive been told by other people...and the very few fuzzy memories i have of him..

[chodieeas]

I'd try to work it out if you can bro. My parents split when I was 4, saw my dad a weekend here/there. My mom remarried and we moved to Raleigh, and he stayed down east. During H.S. I never really saw much of any of him and never really got to know him. Long story short when I came back from the VO, he called me and we were going to get together to make right what had been wrong for so long. One week later I get a call from my brother, he was killed in a car accident. Never got to say goodbye or shit, but at least the last converstation we had was a GREAT one. Anyway, i'm done.

[Billdo]

Not a whole lot to lose by getting to know him.

That is my thoughts wrapped up in one sentence. A long time ago when I was younger I was bitter and carried a lot of negative feelings. Now that I have matured I have dropped most of those feelings. They we dead weight that I was carrying around.

Everyone makes mistakes and Lord knows I have made many. I've always said it's not how you fall down it's how you get up. If I hold myself to those standards, I can't expect anything more from him.

[Badassblu]

Live and let live is all I can say. People in life do wrong things due to bad judgement for their own reasons. He sounds to me to be a real Man to contact you all after all these years. He obviously has a concience although a wee bit late...........he still did the right thing.

Hope it all works out for you and everyone involved in the Family.

[2BadLS1s]

I located my biological father when I was 23 (He was married and 27 when my 16 year old mother, who was NOT his wife, got pregnant, and my grandfather-who adopted me- apparently threatened him multiple times for trying to come around after I was born.) I corresponded with him in a few brief emails, and then I got a looooooong letter from him telling me about himself and all my half brothers and sisters.....and the fact that he did weapons and sniper training for a militia group in the mountains where I was born. :wtf: I'm glad I found my "roots," but that was a little toooooo weird for me.

I say catch up. It will never be like a "real" father/son relationship, but it cant hurt to get to know him (unless he's like mine ;) )

[Mwilson]

Well me and my dad had a simular experience And I got to know him for 3 yrs It was the greatest three years ever, He died drag racing his camaro on the street when I was 20 I knew him from 17yrs to 20 yrs, I think its great you guys met now and make the best of it.

[RichardCranium]

Wow......Bill is bringing out the soft side of everyone now. Some deep stories here........good to see how far some of you have made it with having to cope with this stuff.

[Mwilson]

If he has sack enough to call that means something, Im dying to call my grandma in NY but havent talked to her in 3yrs (my fault) every day I want to call and fell worse at the same time.

[Badassblu]

If he has sack enough to call that means something, Im dying to call my grandma in NY but havent talked to her in 3yrs (my fault) every day I want to call and fell worse at the same time.

I'd say call her then. You go around one time on this earth it's never too late. You will feel better by making that call and have nothing to lose by doing so ;)

[Mwilson]

I'd say call her then. You go around one time on this earth it's never too late. You will feel better by making that call and have nothing to lose by doing so ;)


Yeah I think I will tommorow, sorry to steal the thread!

[Wolfpack]

My dad has done some fucked up things in my past... to me and my mom.

All I can say is...

He's your dad.

You get ONE.

Sure, you might have people that act like your dad, and even seem like your dad... but he is your BIOLOGICAL father.

Think of all that you could share with him... the car thing being an example. Think of all the memories you guys could have now.

Live and let live is right.

So he made a BAD choice a LONG time ago. People change and people learn. People grow.

Like John said.... you don't have much to lose... and a father to gain.

My best wishes to you man... I hope it's all on the up and up and that you can learn to love him, if you don't already. I'm excited for you.

[BIZZY]

Bill,you are an intelligent man and you wil make the decision that is right for you.I just hope everything works out for you.

[Shrt Bus]

Wow Bill.. LD said something about it the other night. I like would be "freaked" out ...

Good luck on things.... I sure hope things work out for ya on this one..

[BMXbandit]

haven't seen my dad in probably 10 years and at one point i would attempt to communicate with him but he wanted no part in that. so i wouldn't know what to do if he were to call me outta' the blue like you. i have always kinda' wanted to get to know him but after soooo many years he is no more of a father to me than a stranger.

good luck with your decision and i'm definitely curious to see how things play out.

[nc stang girl]

I agree with what Wolfpack said...good luck, and keep us posted!

[Wraith]

On the flip side of that, I work with a woman who gave her son up for adoption, but found him 40some odd years later. She and he were both ecstatic at first, but she is a first class nutjob, and although I can't say for sure, the honeymoon is now over, and I think she annoys him more than anything, by wanting to be in his life, and acting like the mother she never was.

Although I appreciate the comments about only one person being a biological father, ANYONE could have done that, as all it takes is a little alcohol and some spread legs. Your parent is the one who raised you, taught you your morals, and was there for you. I would be curious from a scientific standpoint concering gene passage, but otherwise I would probably view it as someone who didn't care enough to make the effort to be a father. But I am a pessemistic SOB sometimes. Whatever you decide, best of luck,and update this thread every once and a while if you feel like it. Kinda like a blog, as I am sure that others in your situation on this board are curious as to the outcome. :)

[Badassblu]

Your parent is the one who raised you, taught you your morals, and was there for you. I would be curious from a scientific standpoint concering gene passage, but otherwise I would probably view it as someone who didn't care enough to make the effort to be a father. :)

So true, I was adopted and know only my Mother and Father who raised me from the day I came home from the Hospital at 5 lbs 12 ounces and gave me a wonderful life with 2 Brothers (one adopted and one was theirs) and raised me well. So what you say is so true and I have absolutely no desire to meet my biological Parents at all. I also wouldn't want to be contacted by either of them as well. Live and let live is what I say..........in my case I believe it was a teen pregnancy and I was given up.

The difference between a baby given up for a better life, vs a Father or Mother that basically walked out...........is HUGE of a difference.

But kudos to his Father for contacting him that took alot of courage to do.......time to make amens if you can, and take it one day at a time.

:)

[nitrousjunkie]

Hats off to him for the effort.

[GSRswapandslow]

i'm lucky to still have both of my parents in the same house........but, my g/f's not so lucky. her mom is crazy..literally (over diagnosed and treated for clincal depression that has led to her being completely obvlivious to the real world and loopy as hell) and they've never told her who her dad is. There's RARELY ever even been mention, unless she herself has instigagted a conversation...which are quickly butted and changed.

i told her that i want to find out who her dad is before we get married....no real reason, other than i think she deserves to know. I don't know if he's a good or bad guy...but i just think there's a NEED to know. She agrees...but we can't get anyone to help us find out.

[8UANEW1]

Fuck him. I'm a father and would " NEVER " put my daughter through anything like that....doing so, makes him a spineless POS in my book. I don't mean to offend anyone by my comments, but that's the way I feel about these kinds of things. I guess I'm kinda hardcore about some things and stepping out on your kids ( no matter what the situation ) makes you a worthless piece of shit in my opinion.

[Badassblu]

Fuck him. I'm a father and would " NEVER " put my daughter through anything like that....doing so, makes him a spineless POS in my book. I don't mean to offend anyone by my comments, but that's the way I feel about these kinds of things. I guess I'm kinda hardcore about some things and stepping out on your kids ( no matter what the situation ) makes you a worthless piece of shit in my opinion.

People make mistakes though and I think this Man realized it.

[Billdo]

Well I haven't heard back from him since but he did say he was moving from SC back to Louisiana this week. Maybe over the weekend I will have an update. Thanks for the support.

I believe in forgiveness of sins. If I didn't I would be screwed. None of us are perfect. Like I said, it's not how you fall it's how you get up.

[Jay's Brother]

Well I haven't heard back from him since but he did say he was moving from SC back to Louisiana this week. Maybe over the weekend I will have an update. Thanks for the support.

I believe in forgiveness of sins. If I didn't I would be screwed. None of us are perfect. Like I said, it's not how you fall it's how you get up.

That is an awesome outlook on things. I hope the best for you with everything.

[apriorius]

I have to say you're being extremely cool about this. I think I would have a harder time in your situation...I mean, he takes off and avoids the responsibility while he is young, then wants to return and reap the rewards of a relationship with his grown child without having put in the effort. Shit, I'd have kids too if that's how it was...he's trying to get the best of both worlds. Not sure what I would do but I think that would be hard for me to forgive.

[Billdo]

Well as much as I'd like not to think so, I am a very well adjusted person. My mother did a fantastic job raising me. My stepfather is a great man that has taught me a lot about being an adult and a stand up guy. And in a way my real father taught me a lot too. Because of his choices I am extremely loyal freind and husband to my wife. I know how to treat women and for that matter other people. I was smart enough to learn from his mistakes and not repeat them in my life. So in a going through my elbow to get to my ass kinda way his example of what not to do has altered my reality.

This doesn't prove I am a grown up though.....dammit!!!!

[Billyman]

My Dads father split before my dad was born. But he kept some contact (very little) with my Dads Mom (my grandmother). Dad was raised by his mother and stepfather from the time he was an infant so his stepfather was known as “Daddy” to him. Dad knew of his biological father at a very young age. He had questions as a child but quit asking them “out loud” as he got older naturally. Dad had never spoken to his father…..ever. He was a grown man and married and my Mom was carrying their first child (my older brother). Later, after my brother was born, my Dad received a phone call from his Mother saying that his father was coming to meet him and his new grandson for the very first time. My dad was actually pleased with the news, excited even. To my knowledge, he wasn’t pissed at his father……..all the anger had past long ago so at this point in his life he was thrilled to meet his Dad for the first time and to show off his new pride a joy to him. The day had come and my Dad’s father was on the way.

He was killed in automobile accident traveling to meet his son, his wife and his grandson.

I spoke to my Dad about these events some years ago to gain some insight on how he felt. At this time he was like 50 and he’s 58 now.

He said: “Son, I don’t know him and never did. This may sound strange to you but I hold a piece of him in my heart [pause]…I can’t say that I love him but I don’t hate him either. I just wish I would’ve at least gotten the chance to say “hey”.”

[lucafu1]

Well I haven't heard back from him since but he did say he was moving from SC back to Louisiana this week. Maybe over the weekend I will have an update. Thanks for the support.

I believe in forgiveness of sins. If I didn't I would be screwed. None of us are perfect. Like I said, it's not how you fall it's how you get up.

thats a good way to live. my father left my mom and her 4 kids when i was very young for another woman. i didnt speak to him until i was a teen and he was in prison by then. i do keep in contact with him (he still in prison) and i do care about him but nothing like my mother, no even close. i love him because he is my father but its kinda like i have to love him feeling. he has apologized and he is a different man now. but if he never wanted to see me agian or never made contact with us i would have never of cared. i believe in forgivness but it will never be the same. i feel bad for my little brother cause he was a infant when he left so he never had a father. so my brother has different feelings then i do. its your life and you can do what you want, and honestly if you were to beat the shit out of him or give him a big hug you wouldnt be wrong. he should make it up to you, not by money or anything but by making an honest effort to make things right with you and your mom and siblings.

best of luck.

BTW thats crazy how your new family are into LS1s. this means the only way to stop this is to ban reproductiion and concentration camps for you GM guys:fluffy: